My life was a disaster. I was ruining it left and right with my irresponsibility and inability to care anymore. I was barely surviving for years. I was faking it, even to myself. I was lying to myself when I said I was fine, there wasn't a problem. There were in fact lots of problems… Continue reading Alcohol Lied To Me.
Blog
The Shot That Changed Me.
Three years ago, I clocked out of work, took a very large shot of vodka, walked out the door, and drove home. Only I didn’t make it home. At least not until several hours later, after a pit stop at the police station. This wasn’t my first time being pulled over; I decided to refuse… Continue reading The Shot That Changed Me.
Growth in Healing.
The last two days I have been dealing with my car not starting in the freezing temperatures. This caused me to be late to work one day and needing to be driven to work by my parents both days. It is in moments like this that I am able to see how far I have… Continue reading Growth in Healing.
Self-Sabotage.
If there is one thing that I have been really good at my whole life, it is sabotaging myself. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotage is when we do certain behaviors that were adaptive in a former context, such as during childhood or a traumatic or stressful… Continue reading Self-Sabotage.
I’m Not a Victim.
I've been living in a state of victim mentality for more than half of my life. Since the bullying in ninth grade, since the assaults, since the mentally and emotionally abusive relationships, I have lived the life of a victim. I blamed all of the above for where my life ended up, for the mistakes… Continue reading I’m Not a Victim.
Discomfort.
I found myself at a point of waking up and realizing what my life actually looks like. I am not taking care of myself. I am letting myself down left and right. I am struggling with seasonal depression on top of regular depression and all the symptoms that come with it. I had a moment… Continue reading Discomfort.
12.20.22
Thoughts rumble around in my head constantly. It is chaos in my mind and I barely know how to turn down the volume. I feel like I have nowhere to put to ramblings of my brain, because who would care to hear them? I have told myself for years now that no one cares what… Continue reading 12.20.22
Why I Avoid Writing
I sit down in front of my laptop, wanting to write. I sit and stare at the screen. It usually doesn't take long for my phone to come back out. I find myself scrolling absentmindedly through social media. Why am I avoiding something I want so badly to do, though? Is it the fear of… Continue reading Why I Avoid Writing
Dear Me, No One is Coming to Save You
I was fourteen, in ninth grade, when I found myself wishing someone, anyone, would save me. I was the victim of bullying, starting the first month of school, and only ending a month before summer vacation. My whole world was falling apart, and no one was helping me. I daydreamed about running away. I fantasized… Continue reading Dear Me, No One is Coming to Save You
Hard Days
The last two days have been hard. I have hated myself, screamed it at myself in the mirror followed by a barrage of insults. This always ends with crying, because it hurts. It hurts when I am so mean to myself and I just can't seem to stop. It is in these moments, and these… Continue reading Hard Days
Brittany Netzband 