Today I had to start over with a fresh new blog because the one I just started only a few short months ago crashed and disappeared. I don’t really know how or why.
I do know that I handled it a lot better than I ever would have in the past. I didn’t freak out; I didn’t have a meltdown; I didn’t call my mom and yell at her about it.
I did call her upset about it, but I didn’t lose my temper. I kept myself together. I cried a little, I was angry, but not out of control. I am proud of myself for the the growth that was evident in that moment.
Even just a few months ago I would have melted down over the situation. I would have cried, maybe slammed my laptop, and called my mom flipping out.
I got off the phone with my mom, did a daily connection that my new therapy program gave me to do in moments like this; and it actually helped. I was able to break down and name what I was feeling instead of just raging.
I spent another amount of money getting this new blog set up and started so I could have somewhere to write again and called my mom back. I was still a bit frazzled and needed help figuring out what to do next.
It was getting late, I was hungry, and I was getting a headache. I was still upset and my mind was still racing a bit. My mom helped me decide what to eat and that going to the gym, even at the late hour, would be beneficial in the moment.
Fifteen minutes in, sweat pouring off of me, and I was finally feeling better. I felt relieved to not be stressed out anymore, I was happy that I went to the gym so late instead of not going at all. I was hopeful and chose to believe this happened for a reason.
Now that I am home, showered, and fed, I am convincing myself that I am excited for this opportunity to begin again.
We all need a fresh start once in a while, a blank slate to retell our story – even if just to ourselves. I am grateful to be able to start over and that I am allowing myself to instead of sulking over it.
Starting over doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Starting over can be the best thing to happen sometimes.
Brittany Netzband 